The Perks of Having Exams -.-

Howdy Chickadees!!!

I hope we are all doing well! I finished my uni exams last week, and I had made all these extravagant and adventurous plans for my holidays whilst I was stressing and preparing for the 4 papers I had to sit, and low and behold, all I've been doing is pumping Lana in my room and dancing on my bed like a crazy! Yep, sounds about right ;)

Over the past 14 odd years of my academic life, I have come to pick up on some pretty annoying things that take place during exams that literally drive me up the wall. I think that you, my darling readers, have come to conclude that I just hate people (literally, we are annoying little shits!) but there is something about exams that really intensifies people's annoyingness (I'm making that a word). 

So, without further ado, let me take you over some things that turns me off about exams! LET THE RANTING BEGIN! 

1. Nerdy Friends

Man, there is nothing that annoys me more than bothered smart people! And they make themselves ridiculously visible during exam time! 

Chloe: OMG BABE I DID NOT STUDY FOR THIS EXAM AT ALL!!
Josh: Really hun??
Chloe: Yea! Not at all! Oh my god I'm so screwed!
Josh: Well then, please explain that 128-page exercise book that you are carrying filled from front to back with study notes!!!!
Chloe: Oh this old thing?! That's nothing! I just pulled this together last night when I was stressed!
Josh: *Reaches for frying pan*

Bitch, we know you studied! Shut up and stop guilt-tripping me 10 minutes before I go into the exam room! 

Let us not forget the children that annoy the shit out of you to test them on course material, but when you ask them to ask you a practice question, they shy away and resort to their study notes. I'ma gonna slap you, then I'ma gonna slap yo' mama, and then I'ma gonna slap yo mama's mama! 

Oh, and have you guys got a 'Jess' in your life?? What do I mean by a 'Jess'?? Please, read on: 

Jess: *walks out of exam* EPIC FAIL!!! 

Josh: OMG yay someone else who found the test hard as well! Let's be friends! 

*Exam results come back* 

Jess: OMG I got 99%, I guess that's alright... 

Josh: *Hides his 48% mark* WHORE YOU SAID YOU FOUND IT HARD!!!!!! 

[Disclaimer: I LOVE YOU CHLOE AND JESS!!! MWA!!] 

2. The Exam Supervisors

Now here's the thing, I don't dislike the supervisors as much as I dislike how I treat them!! I am a dreadful dreadful heartless person when I enter an exam room, and any physical or eye contact I get from people whilst I am seated and sweating my ass off, in particular from the cute old people that supervise university exams, I reciprocate with extremist death stars! But I don't mean to, I swear! It's all unintentional! 

For my Journalism exam this semester, for an example, there was a cute old lady who was watching over the exam room, and I was simply a bitch to her! How? 

a) Every time she looked at me, I subconsciously challenged her to a staring competition, hence making her feel very uncomfortable. 

b) Whenever she walked by me, I took a deep breath as if she was annoying me. 

c) When she came to check my student i.d. card, I flinched and gave her a bit of a shock, and continued to give her a death stare. 

d) When she was collecting the exam papers, I shoved my booklet into her hand and rushed away. 

Darling old lady, if you're reading this, I am oh so sorry! I'm not really a bitch... well, ok, maybe a little bit... but not to you!! 

But the thing with exam supervisors is that every time they look at you, it's like they're judging you, and no matter what you do, it looks like you're cheating! If you bend down to pick up a pencil you dropped, it looks like you're cheating. If you take a drink of water, it looks like you're cheating. If you look around the room, it looks like you're cheating. If you stare blankly into space, it looks like you're cheating. If you itch your head, it looks like you're cheating. I mean, come on! 

3. Skanks in exam rooms

I am always seated next to the biggest bludgers in exam rooms, and it bloody annoys me! These are usually blonde bimbos (who theoretically I should be able to get along with, but no) who insist on going to the bathroom at least three times throughout the course of the exam, stretch every 2 minutes, and stare aimlessly into space with their tongues sticking out. YOU ANNOY ME CHILD! 

They also click their pens, kick their tables and insist on bringing in 5 litre bottles into the room. 

Why can't I just sit next to an ordinary person?! That way, if I get stuck on a question and want to cheat, I can actually look over to someone's paper who's answers I might remotely be able to trust! 

Honestly, why are you even sitting the exam honey pie?? Just sleep with the course administrator and get him to fix up your marks. (Disclaimer: I strongly advise against this!!!) But I mean... a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do ;) 

No but seriously, don't sleep with your teachers. In fact, don't sleep with anyone! DON'T HAVE SEX, BECAUSE YOU WILL GET PREGNANT... AND DIE! DON'T HAVE SEX IN THE MISSIONARY POSITION, DON'T HAVE SEX STANDING UP! JUST DON'T DO IT, PROMISE?!?! Okay, everyone take some rubbers. 

4. Exams which you are given the questions of before-hand

You'd think this is a good thing, right?! If you knew what questions would be in the exam? NO, THINK AGAIN! 

You wanna know why?! Because regardless, I won't study for it. Quite the opposite, I'll think I won't need to worry about preparing for that exam too much because I already have the questions. 

MEANWHILE, extremist nerds are writing prepared responses for these questions and memorising the shit out of them, leading to them kicking your ass big time! 

No, I would much rather you not tell us the questions Mr. Lecturer, so that way route-learning bitches don't have an advantage and we can all be on the same page of confusedness because we don't know jackshit. And I have spent the majority of my schooling life refining my bullshitting skills, so I would  like to show off this talent of mine THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! 

5. Yourself

I bloody hate myself during exams! Why? I'm unorganised, study the night before every exam regardless of how much time I'm given to prepare before hand and I'm a stress head! A very volatile combination of ingredients if you ask me! 

I'm the Queen of Procrastination! 

"Oh, I've got a media exam tomorrow of which I know nothing about?!? No worries, I'll just watch 5 HOURS WORTH OF GREGORY GORGEOUS VIDEOS and then I'll get started." 

"Hmmmm, should I get my notes together or should I start cleaning my room, even though I haven't cleaned it in a years time. No brainer there, I'll get the broom!!" 

Mother: I'm going shopping, wanna come?

Josh: No, I have an exam tomorrow mum. 

Mother: Well, I might be swinging by Maccas later on-- 

Josh: I'll race you to the car!!! 

I mean, I really outdo my laziness levels during exams! You'd think you'd amp it up a level during exams. Not me, I actually take it down a notch. I tell myself YOLO, and then I cry after my exam. And then I tell myself YOLO, and I go get drunk :) LOL JOKES, I HAVE ARAB PARENTS!! I go home and drink lebo coffee with the mother. But than again, that stuff is so strong, I wouldn't be surprised if it was classified as an alcohol!! 

6. Asians

Okay, this is me being completely racist. But Asians just really put me on edge during exam time! I just see them and start crying because I stereotypically believe that they have studied their asses off whilst I was watching back-to-back episodes of Judge Judy. INAPPROPRIATE SEQUENCE OF RACIST MEMES!!! 

Okay my darlings, so I hope you can all relate, and if you can't and this is all just me... well THAT is pretty awkward!! 

And I am sure you are all wondering what song I was procrastinating to the most this prior exam period! Well it was.... *drumroll* .... Pepsi-Cola by Lana Del Rey! It is extremely inappropriate, and hence perfect for studying! Because when we are studying for exams, we all question the reason why we are putting ourselves through such torture and consider quite interesting future career paths like Stripping and Prostitution :) And what better way to fuel these thoughts than to listen to Lana Del Rey singing about her pussy :) 

Okay BYEEEEEEE!!! 

Everybody's a 'whore' :)

CHICKADEES! 

How are my darlings today? 

What do I want to address in this blog made in Idaho?? Well, just a very laid-back and happy-go-lucky question along the lines of: WHY IS THE WORD 'WHORE' SUCH A TABBOO REMARK IN  TODAY'S SOCIETY?!?! 

Okay okay, maybe I understand why it is, but the revolutionary message that I am here to share with all of you guys is the fact that we are all, indeed, whores! 

How do we define whore? I define it as a sexual person. And, let's be real here, we are ALL sexual persons. It's not me speaking, it's science! It is scientifically proven that we all like a little action on a lonely Friday night... I am pretty sure. Why is that? I dunno. It's written in The Origin of Species... somewhere... 

Why is it that our society is so afraid of sexual promiscuity? Yea, I do believe that going around and sleeping with randoms is not the best thing you can do for both your physical and emotional health, but WHY is there such an emphasis on degrading people (in particular but not restricted to women) in regards to their sex life? 

I mean, let's think about this for a second, right. Smoking is, for an example, an activity that people engage in that is extremely detrimental to their health. But in a Christian household, for an example, a smoker does not cope close to a quater of the abuse that a sexually ambitious woman would. WHY?!?! Why can't we use phrases like "OMG do you see that girl dancing in the corner? Yea, she is such a smoker" as opposed to "... she is such a whore!" 

And I do not pose this question as a literal question, I do understand that there are many cultural and religious reasons why whores are degraded, and I'm not here to debate this. Rather, I would like to give you guys a few pointers/examples/ideas that will hopefully prove to you that we, the human race, are all complete and utter whorebags, and the sooner we come to realise this, the sooner we will all be able to rejoice together in our slutty ways! 

Josh's amazing list of examples of everyday activities/ aspects of our lives that make us whores!!!!

Clearly, I have extraordinary title-making skills -.-

1. Exercising

"OMG babe I totally exercise so I can stay healthy and fit." 

Yea yea, okay, I believe you -.- That's a complete lie, and you know it! Why do we exercise??? So we can get hot butts and legs and muscles and chests and abs. Why? So we can be perceived as attractive. Why? SO WE CAN HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE OF GETTING LAID AT THE CLUB/ BAR/ SCHOOL/ CHURCH/ WHATEVER!!!!! 

When you go for that 20 kilometer jog at 6am on a Sunday morning, you're not doing it because you're worried about your cholesterol levels! It's because you want to lose weight and fit into that lingerie outfit you saw at bras'n'things the other day! (It's also an added bonus that your hot Brazilian neighbour (who is a lawyer and single) religiously attends to his garden bright and early every Sunday morning! Oh those Brazilians... )

Why do you go to the gym to lift weights? So you can use that "I can bench press you" pick-up line on any girl you might happen to fancy! 

Why can't we just not care about our looks and eat whatever we want and not care what our bodies look like??? Hmmmmm... And don't give me the health bullshit again. A fat person can still be healthy, don't be ignorant! They're just not as easily laid... ;) 

2. Slut-Shaming

"Do you know that chick Karen, yea, she is a total Hoe!" 

"Did you see what she was wearing to the Gym bro?! Faar what a ganga!" 

I will be the first to admit, I am something I like to describe as a whore-shamer-by-habit. I usually call myself a whore and my friends whores without really thinking through what I'm saying. This is a sub-category, I believe, of general slut-shaming. Because people are so insecure about their own sexuality, they proceed to call each other sluts and hoes. 

Girls call each other hoes because they're jealous that the other party is getting more action down south then they are, and guys slut shame other girls because they're frustrated that they can't get with them. The fact that guys don't generally get called sluts frustrates me, but that's a different topic all together. 

This jealousy simply reinforces the argument that we are all sluts! You know in the wild how animals fight with each other about who gets to mate who? Our version of this breeding ritual is called slut shaming. The only reason we do it is because we want to be the ones getting the action! 

3. Religion itself

I mean, have you ever really given it a proper thought as to why the vast majority of religions condemn sexual promiscuity? There are two ways I can answer this: 

The Politically Correct Answer: "Sexual immorality leads to various consequences for the individual in question. It is emotionally draining, may have extreme repercussions on their health and, overall, leads to them having an unstable and unfulfilling life." 

The Realistic Answer: "We live in a world run by men, and men do not like the idea that there might have been, at one stage or another, one or more penises from men other then themselves inside the woman they are married to. This woman is theirs and theirs alone. If the men themselves restrain from sex until they get married (which is extremely unlikely) they simply do this out of respect to their fellow males." 

Religion restricts us from doing a whole shit load of things. Why? It was constructed by males for males. Can't get any simpler than that. And let's understand something here, my fellow Idahoans, a woman who sleeps with simply her husband-to-be before marriage is still looked down upon by the religious. WHY?!?! Think about it! Men who have slept around are just going through a phase that all boys go through and they will eventually learn, BUT GIRLS?! God forbid! She's ruined for life! 

And once again, I'm not categorising all religious people. However, this is definitely the underlying thought to it. 

And why?! This comes back to the point of jealousy. We are SEXUAL BEINGS, hence why Religion finds it necessary to regulate sexual affairs. Religious people who degrade the sexually promiscuous are simply more articulate and polite slut-shamers.

4. YOU'RE READING THIS BLOG! 

Why are you reading this blog? Because you saw the word 'whore' in the title! You want to know about whores. You want to be entertained by the ways of whores. You're interested in whores. YOU ARE A WHORE! 

But, my darling viewers, I don't want you to take this in an offensive way! Once we take the power away from a word, it no longer hurts us! Gone are the days when we were sexually repressed, and here we are today in the 21st century, an era of liberation and freedom! Our sexuality should not be something that can be used against us to repress us, because our sexuality is US! 

Just like we no longer discriminate against people because of their race, gender or religion (or at least I would like to think we don't) we should not degrade or look down upon each other because of the number of sexual partners we have or the frequency of the sexual acts we engage in. 

Is it wrong? This is not for us to judge! Just like we don't degradingly judge smokers or people who like eating fatty sugary foods or Jews. 

We have to remove this stigma about sluts and whores out of our language and our society, because as soon as we do this, the sooner we can all realise that we are ALL big fat whores, and it's aye okay :) 

Oh how I love cheesy endings! I seem to do them oh so well ;) 

Hope you have a lovely week, be kind to others, treat your mothers well, don't take candy from strangers and use a condom if any interesting situations present themselves to you in a public bathroom cubicle in the next few days.

Believe me, some people needed to read that. 

BYEEEE CHICKADEES! 

How to: Survive a Conversation about Evolution with a Christian... Oh dear lord (no pun intended!)

First and foremost my darling chickadees, I am OH SO SORRY for not having posted in such a long time! I'm not gonna bother explaining myself 'cause I know you're all so vicious and won't care what I have to say and will tear me apart regardless of what I say, SO I will just jump into today's topic, a juicy one in my opinion ;)

Have you ever had the misfortune of talking to a Christian about Evolution? If you haven't, I envy you. If you have, I am positive you will be able to sympathise with me and know that you are not alone. I have encountered this dangerous point of discussion on multiple occasions, and coming from an extremely Religious family that likes to surround themselves with extremely Religious fanatics, I am not surprised in the slightest by this. The world according to Religious people is extremely fascinating and I believe that universities around the globe should have courses regarding the psychology of devout religious individuals, because honestly, they are WHACK! I don't mean to offend any of my religious readers, believe what you want to believe, I couldn't care less in all honesty, but sometimes the way that some people view the world just fascinates me! The fact that an individual is able to limit what they want and don't want to understand is just shocking to me, and the reflex reactions that a lot of Christians have to my views on evolution in particular (but not limited to) is truly something that should be documented and studied.

The reason why I do not conform to any religious group is because of the limited space available for freedom of thinking and learning, and any religious person who says that they are able to explore and understand everything there is to understand is kidding themselves, because Religion in itself does not allow you to explore all the avenues this world has to offer BECAUSE you are only allowed to believe in one thing and one thing only, and your life has to rotate around it.

Now back to evolution, throughout the past few years of my life, I think I have basically narrowed down all the ridiculous and hilarious ways that Christians react to the concept of evolution. I have compiled a list of the various reactions you might get when debating Darwin's work with devout religious people, and hopefully this will prep you so you know what to expect when you find yourself faring in such an unfortunate circumstance :)

I am not related to monkeys!!!!!! 

This is probably the most illogical and uneducated thing they could say, but let's not kid ourselves, we're not surprised that this came out of their mouths. Christians seem to have extremely large egos, they believe that a God that created the entire universe and existed forever made them in HIS image (note the patriarchy), that they are perfect and they are the only living organisms in the entire universe. Comparing them to monkeys is simply not on (even though the majority of them act and think like monkeys. In fact, it should be the monkey that gets offended at such a connection!)

What do you say in this circumstance? Say that no, evolution does not stipulate that humans are the cousins of monkeys, rather that we share a common ancestor with the Great Apes. They will reply "Apes, monkeys, all the same!!" It is at this point that you realise that talking to this person is making your IQ drop.

Evolution is just a theory! Scientists are stupid! 
I love this argument so so so much, because they basically shoot themselves in the foot! If evolution is just a theory, what on earth does that make your God??? How can something that has so much proof and evidence backing it up be inferior to a higher being that has close to no real proof attached to him! Evolution has been proven to such an extent that we have to deny our own existence to deny evolution. Thanks to scientific devices such as radio carbon dating and the study of fossils, we know for an absolute fact that evolution took place! How could you even bring yourself to argue that it is just a theory when it is YOUR RELIGION that relies on solely "faith" to hold itself up! All an evolutionist is to do is to say "Evolution is my belief that I hold close to my heart" to completely shut you up!

If evolution is just a scientific theory, that equates your religion to being a fairytale. That simple.

But the bible says so! 
The bible says a whole lot of things sweet pea, and let us remember that the majority of the world now sees the bible for what it really is: a book of compiled random stories that have close to no facts backing it up. They were stories told in farming communities, like folk tales in a sense, that suddenly have so much power amongst religious people because it is backed as the "Word of God." The bible states that the world is 4-5 thousand years old. We have scientific evidence that proves (hands down) that the world is 4 and a half BILLION years old.

How is this measured? Well, using similar strains of science that is used in hospitals to cure patients and improve the well being of humans. I believe that all people who disagree with the age of the earth as concluded by scientists should be withheld from all forms of medical treatments and technological advancements such as television and toilets and cars. It's only fair, I say. It's so blasting ironic when these television evangelists use their microphones and their recording station, things all created by scientists by the way, to blast and degrade people in the scientific community about their beliefs in evolution!!! Are you mad??? Go live in a cave for christ sake!

So my darlings, I hope I have equipped you with the necessities that you need to go to war with a crazy fanatic Christian! Keep using your brains and allow yourself to question everything around you, because that is the only way you can grow and get the most out of your life. Hopefully you can help some poor creationist see the light (I'm really outdoing myself with the humour today!).

Well, that escalated quickly!

Howdy chickadees!

Now I don't know about you guys, but this recent storm of Islamic protests that have been taking place around the world in response to a particular stupid clip/ film on youtube:

(incase you've been living under a rock)

has really taken me by surprise to the extent when photos like this:

have made me go like this:

Insert inappropriate yet hilarious meme!!!

Okay, but in all seriousness, this phenomena has confused me on so many levels. Now, before anything, I need to make it clear that I do not agree with the provocative nature of the video. I have my own issues with the patriarchal foundations of Islam, as I do with almost every other religion (and I will write y'all a blog on my general views on organised religion on the whole) however, due to the video being extremely derogatory, as far as I am concerned, it holds no credit. However, the reactions of Muslims around the globe has just been disgusting. What has to be understood at this point is that these protestors portray only a certain fraction of followers of the Islamic faith and by no means should they represent Muslims as a whole, HOWEVER, the number of Muslims that have participated in these riotous protests in the multiple countries around the globe, to me, displays many loose bolts and cracks present within Islamic culture. 

I think what needs to be understood, at the end of the day, is that everybody deserves the right to free speech, and that is all that this video is. It is a form of free speech. It in no way directly impacts the lives of Muslims. It simply does not. If you want to protest about it, go ahead, that's your right to free speech, but to harm people, and to attack police officers, and to hold up unbelievably threatening poster boards in the name of your religion is simply not on. Do you know how much material is out there that directly attacks Christians and Homosexuals and Atheists and so on and so forth? I mean, if one crazy lunatic or a small group of radical Muslims reacted negatively to this video, we could classify them as just that, one crazy lunatic or a small group of radical Muslims. BUT to have such a vast number of people rallying under the same religious banner and protesting like Communist crazies on crack really presents itself as an issue. 

But I think something needs to be made clear to EVERYBODY, regardless of whichever belief system (or lack of it for that matter) they live their life by: 

YOUR BELIEF IS SIMPLY AN OPINION, AND JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER OPINION, IT SHOULD AND MUST BE OPEN TO DEBATE, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! I REPEAT, YOUR BELIEF IS AN OPINION... AND NOT SOLID CONCRETE FACT!!

The reason this is such a touchy topic for me is because I have been raised in an extremely strict and religious household, and hence the importance of having a society in which all beliefs are able to be scrutinised and dissected is absolutely necessary for me due to the lack of such an environment when I was growing up. That is what makes the world go round. Islam, in particular the religious population in Middle Eastern and African countries, do not seem to have warmed up to this idea very well. They need to understand that not everybody believes in Islam, and there are plenty of people who actively disagree with Islam and will voice their opinions about it, and they have to live with that. If death is your solution to dealing with a person who doesn't believe what you believe, then you deserve to be thrown in jail for the entirety of your life. Killing people because they don't agree with you is simply barbaric and grotesque, what is wrong with you??? And, unfortunately, this has been the underlying message of almost all the protests that have taken place in the past week in regards to this video, even though the majority of them might have started out as a peaceful protest. 

The reason why I am harping on but the faults of the Muslims as opposed to the wrong-doings of the people who made the video that started everything is because the video really does no harm to Muslims at all! Ok, the video was rude and derogatory, just flag that shit and move the fuck on! Take it with a grain of salt! Use it as food for thought! Think about it, how will it affect an individual Muslim's walk with their God? It won't! These testosterone-raging muslim men seem to just want any reason to pick a fight! Watch the video, shrug it off, and move on with your life! Make a complaint to youtube to take it down, protest a little during your lunch break at work, and move on with your lives like normal people!!!!!!! 

I've tried my best not to make this into a religious discussion, but I needed traces of religious debate in order to get my point across. As I always say, feel free to disagree! (I just won't like you very much) :) 

Lana-mania!!!

LANA DEL REY!!!!! omg, must I say more? Those bee-stung lips, brunette locks and understated curves have got me mesmerised! She looks like an actress from a 1960's American film, but on the same token, a product of our generation, proudly parading chucks and jeans whenever attacked by paparazzi. I must admit, I am extremely late to the Del Rey band wagon, only discovering this beauty queen about a week ago, but her artistic process has absolutely hit me like storm, a cyclone of patriarchy and thought-provoking work. Oh god, I have never thought of myself as a fan girl, but jesus christ, lana's got me tingly in my downstairs in more ways then one!!!! 

"Okay Josh, we get it, you're crushing on a singer. That's new! Let's forget about Gaga, Katy Perry, Lily Allen, artists that you've also had major crushes on! Lana is just another queen in that deck of cards!" HOWEVER, I feel like Lana is so different from any other artist that I've grown quite immense crushes for in the procession of my life! Okay okay, I shall explain myself to you, and I think the best way to go about doing this is via the use of subheadings :D (omg, I'm getting organised, I know, I scared myself too) And yes, Lana is totes paying me to do all of this ;) 

Josh discovers Lana (screw Romeo and Juliet, this is the real shit!)

As I said earlier, I'm relatively new to the world of Lana, but I've sort of known about her existence for a while. Towards the end of last year, Lana's breakthrough single 'Born To Die' was very strongly and aggressively marketed to the public, especially on Youtube. Now as you guys know, youtube is my crack. Other boys go out to Bankstown station and smoke weed, I stay home and watch youtube (as I always say, I'm a gangster). So, this wave of commercialisation hit me real hard in December of last year, but I remained relatively immune to it. The title of the song really turned me off (I don't do depressing shit, I just don't, I live in a world of fairy floss and teletubbies) and I just wasn't interested in what seemed to be another American chick trying to make it big in the industry. But it all changed last week at Woolworths BAAAAAAASS HILL where I heard Video Games being played as I was shopping for mentos and coca-cola (long story, don't ask). I instantly fell in love with the song, memorised a line of the lyrics and ran home and googled it, and low and behold, this bitch that I've been trying to avoid pops up in the search results. I was just like "Bitch, really?" But I bit my pride and listened to her music, and in the time span of about 4 songs, I knew that I was destined to have Lana's children. We were just meant to be. She's hot, I'm hot.  Done and done. Better then committing suicide, I'd say (thanks for nothing Romeo and Juliet!) 

da controversy bro! 

There is ALOT of controversy surrounding this chickadee, stretching from deep topics such as her family history and relationships, to shallow Josh-esque points of discussion like "Are those lips real slut!?! I know you got collagen happening up in there guurrl!" And this just makes me love her even more! A lot of people really question her rise to fame and say that the only reason she has been so successful is because her daddy is loaded and payed his daughter's way to success. Many folk say that her current image is completely fake and has been engineered completely by the music industry to make her albums sell. Some say that she's illuminati, and faaaaar do I have a bone to pick with these illumati nuts! But, as I said, this just makes me adore her that much more! I love people with a coloured past, I can't stand square white bread people, I just can't. "Well I went to law school and am now a successful paralegal with 2 children and am married and live in a house with a white-picketed fence and earn tons of money." No. Go fuck yourself (but not in a pleasurable way!) Also, her performance on Saturday Night Live absolutely blew the girl out of the water! For those of you who don't know about this incident, Lana basically performed on this tv show in America and didn't perform as well as people were expecting her to. The thing with Lana is that she has a very very deep singing voice and hence her performance can be affected quite severely under the wrong set of circumstances. I just think she was nervous, but people tore her apart for it. But, if anything, all of that hype around that single performance created so so SO much press for her, and you know they saying: all publicity is good publicity ;) 

Her deep deep (and I mean fucking deep) videos

Holy Jesus mother of pearl! This chick makes amazing videos! I use to think Gaga's videos were deep, but Lana without a doubt takes the cake, and this is saying something cause Gaga and I go waaay back! Her style is flawless and so simple, and the interesting thing is, she never 'sluts it up' (this is a Josh term, get with it) in any of her videos, which is so unusual for an american female singer to do! Born to Die, Blue Jeans and Summertime Sadness have amazing videos to their name, but one that I want to focus on today is the video this chick made for National Anthem. 

(if you don't watch this, a family of baby kittens will be run over by a speeding lebo hard-cunt-bro in Punchbowl!) 

God, this video speaks for itself. Lana draws a parallel in this video with the story of John. F Kennedy. She is Marilyn Monroe in this fantasy, but get this, this modern spin on this American tragedy has a young african-american rapper as the president!!!! The two are shown to be a married couple, have two children, but also lead a very very interesting double life together! How so? The scene where she is having breakfast on the family table WHILST smoking is flawless! The scene cuts towards the beginning of the video between scenes of Lana and her black president husband celebrating their young girl's birthday and dirty dancing at a party with drugs and alcohol also resonated with me on a deep level. Patriarchy and American pride is a key theme in all of Lana's work, but what I love about Lana is that she shows the good and the bad in American culture. I mean, just watch it for yourself, she even has shootings towards the end of the video, like when John F. Kennedy got shot, I mean, it's gold! And her singing Marilyn's "Happy birthday mr president", I mean, gosh. Lana is actually the modern day Aphrodite! 

Lana is the new Marissa Cooper

If you don't know who Marissa Cooper is, may I enquire as to what rock you live under?? Anyway, Marissa was the lead girl character in the 2004 hit tv show The O.C., and Marissa is quite well renowned for always wearing flats. YES, JUST FLATS! and this is lana! Lana is constantly in chucks, ballet pumps and thongs (flip-flops in you're American, don't get it twisted there!!) She barely even does live performances and gigs in heels, she rocks those flats proud! And I LOVE THIS!!!! 

Now, I know exactly what you're thinking. "... Josh, they're just shoes. Get over yourself." BUT DON'T YOU SEE?!?! Shoes are a window into a person's soul! Lana's love for flats and casual dress makes her so easy to relate to. It shows that she's a real person, and not some slut who feels the need to parade herself in heels. Even out clubbing and partying, Lana has been caught wearing nice and fashionable flats as opposed to obnoxious 6-inch wedges. She is the new Marissa! So gorgeous and so amazing that she doesn't even need platformed footwear to make her feel superior. (oh my brain...) 

So, there you have it folks!!! That is why Lana and I are gonna get married! Ahhhh she's such a machine!!! Even her tone of voice in interviews and on the red carpet is just flawless! Ergh I love her! 

Wedding invitations are to be released shortly, and if you don't get one, it's probably because Lana and I don't like you very much, so ha! (not because of the slight chance that I might be making all this up and Lana actually doesn't know of my existence... no, don't be silly!!! ... I'm so forever alone...) 

K love ya chickadees! 

lana is SEXXXXXXX!!

Homophobic Women

Aloha fellow ugly people!

How's it doing? Okay, so today is going to be a slightly more serious blog (just to show you that I am capable of being serious from time to time and that I'm not a complete nut) and some of you might disagree with me on a lot of things, but that's good! I just found out that you can actually leave comments on blogs (how hectic is that?!?!?) so please leave your opinions and I shall do my best to squash your opinions as best I can :) (I'm only kidding... or am I...)

Today, we are discussing a topic that I find quite fascinating, and that is the fragment of the female population that happen to be Homophobic. I rarely come across this very rare and fascinating species (except when I'm forced to go to Church, but we all know that doesn't really count) and the reason why I find them so interesting are as follows.

A week or so ago, my friend Jess and I had this really in-depth academic conversation (I know, I'm such a cool gangster) regarding why main-stream society is so damn homophobic. To cut the story short, before you fall asleep on your keyboard, we came to conclude that it is because our society is, at it's foundations, essentially... are you ready for it... a PATRIARCHY!! OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDD!!! "Really Joshua? You don't fucking say. Thankyou captain obvious!!"

Just for your sake, I'll post you the video that really stimulated this discussion between the pair of us, it's by one of my favourite youtubers in the world, her name is Christina Rad, and she's such a sexy machine beast! Ahh I love her!

Ok, so back to the main topic of discussion. I get it when men are homophobic, they have small penis' and they want to make themselves feel big. Hating on gays is a way for men to feel better about themselves and more masculine, let's be honest here. They say random shit like "It's against my religion bro!!" or "Dude its just gross and unnatural!" But really, they just don't like the idea of gay sex (MENTAL IMAGE!) But when women make the exact same claims, that just freaks the absolute shit out of me!

Think about all the slurs used against gay guys: pussy, faggot, wimp, fairy, pansy, queer, and so on an so forth. What attributes do these indicate? FEMININE ATTRIBUTES!! When guys use homophobic slurs, they are basically teasing a male of being to much like a woman. What does this entail? THAT MEN ARE GREATER THEN WOMEN, AND MEN SHOULD NOT BE REDUCED TO THE LEVEL OF A FEMALE!!

Do you get my drift??? There are plenty of theories out there regarding the topic of homophobia, and it's absolutely fine to disagree with me, but I strongly believe that the hate towards homosexuals is rigidly and concretely a feature of our strongly rooted patriarchal society. That is, men > women. Woman is a lesser being, not to be compared to man. If a man acts like a woman or allows for himself to be subjected as such in his sexual life, he's less then dirt.

So, when women are homophobic, they are basically undermining themselves! They are letting themselves be controlled by masculine power.

I think what really spurred me to make this post is that I've noticed in the past few weeks a few girls making some very homophobic status' on Facebook. Not surprisingly, they are the kind of Facebook citizens that involve themselves with activities such as posting duck faced lovos, taking bathroom photos, uploading random shots of their head accompanied by some interesting love song quote that has nothing to do with them and checking in at a club 20 times in a single night, but nevertheless, it disturbed me.

I do not want to get into a religious or a 'what is natural?' debate, because it is quite pointless. Everything has been said and, as far as I'm concerned, both ideas have been squashed and proven completely and utterly flawed a thousand billion times over. But to put it simply, if you are religious, you wouldn't be attacking and hating on anyone you ignorant twat and, secondly, homosexuality is found in almost every single animal species on the planet and has been confirmed as a constituent of every single civilisation to have ever existed in history. It's not natural to fly, but humans have invented planes, but that does not make it wrong. And things such as rape and murder are obviously part of human nature because it has happened since ancient times, but that does not make it right. So natural doesn't equal right, and unnatural doesn't equal wrong.

But that is a side note, I take it as far as this: to be a homophobic woman is to be a woman subject completely to patriarchal power.

I don't know, I think I might have taken this whole situation slightly overboard, but do y'all see where it is that I am coming from? I mean, it is one thing to hear a boy using words such as fag and sissy, as wrong as it might be, but it's a complete different scenario if a girl chucks those words around! It's just so odd to me.

Not to mention the fact that the majority of homophobic men don't really have a problem with Lesbians, if anything, they seem to love them to piece (and I wonder why...). I should really make an entire blog all about my views on feminism and such, you guys would love it! I'm such a crazy child :D

Anywhoodles doodles, that's my two cents on the issue. Do you guys agree? (If you don't, piss off!) I'm only joking!

Ok, talk to y'all soon chickadees!

'Sluts' at Uni -.-

HOWDY Y'ALL!!!!

Ahhh what an exciting day it was today! So I was wearing my new pair of shoes, they're so hot, they're like these navy blue sailor shoes, and the bitches full rubbed against the back of my feet so they're like ultra sore now :( The things I do for fashion... Oh and today I lost my radio virginity! I full co-hosted a university radio show! The awkwardness of it all was hilarious, I don't think I have ever embarrassed myself as much as I did today on air! But pffft, YOLO!

Oh, and also, I would like to share a bit of feedback I got on my blogpost from a friend of mine I bumped into on the train the other day (its a small world on the bankstown line!) Her name's Lisa, and she said "As I was reading your post, I was thinking to myself "What the fuck are you reading right now?!" Thank you so very much for that Lees, I'm absolutely flattered!

Now, I am aware that the title of this blog may have offended y'all: "Omg what a rude disrespectful little brat Joshua is! Disgusting males and their patriarchal agendas! Women are allowed to express themselves however they want! bla bla bla!" And I completely agree with you! I use the term 'slut' very loosely, and I don't mind promiscuous girls one single bit! Go for gold (and I mean that in the dirtiest way possible). I even defended you sluts a few months back when I was in the car with mother. We were driving home at like 12 in the morning, and my mum saw these two chicks wearing close to nothing walking down the road. As she began to rant about them in arabic, I'm there sitting in the poor little passenger seat defending you guys and talking about womens rights and all of that jazz! The result was my mum call me a pansy. See the extents I go to for you guys?? However, what really really pisses me off is when chicks rock up to uni wearing tight little skirts, heels, a shit load of jewellery, and their bra is doing close to nothing in terms of keeping the two puppies under control.

WHY DUDE?! Just why? You're going to uni, who are you looking to impress?? I go to uni looking like a bag of smashed assholes (or some people argue that I look like that all the time, but that's just their opinion). Now, people can choose to express themselves in any way they want, but there is a fine line between an outfit that depicts individuality and one that screams "Get into my pants now cause I'm desperate as fuck!"

Is there a tutor you are looking to impress? Or even worse, a lecturer? In which case, I would like to know what faculty at which university you are enrolled in, cause I hear a lot about these steamy teacher-student relationships (ignore the extreme political incorrectness displayed here) but can I just say, there is no possibility of that shit ever happening in the classes I'm enrolled in *shudders at the thought of old ugly lecturers*  Are university toilet cubicles your calling? And I mean, I get the whole risqué excitement of it all, but I bet you payed top dollar for that tight leather skirt, you don't want to get restroom grime smeared all over it! (That's right, picture that mental image!!) Maybe there's a guy/s you want to get with, but I mean, can't that shit wait for parties or the weekends?

Isn't it uncomfortable, oh darling asian-fan girl, to be wearing those 8-inch leopard-print heels, with that neon pink scarf wrapped tightly around your neck falling over your see-through zebra-print chiffon singlet? (I wish I was joking). Don't even get me started on those Hello Kitty denim short-shorts. Wowwee....

The concept of heels at uni really gives me shivers. You're walking from class to class all day on this massive campus, and you're belting out those shoes! Bitch, I know you're in pain, bite your pride and buy a pair of flats!!

And girls aren't the only perpetrators here, men are just as bad! Okay gym boy, I know you've been working out, but what have you done with your shirt sleeves?? Did they magically disappear off the face of this earth? It's like 12 degrees bitch, I don't think its appropriate to wear a singlet today! Will it kill you to buy a t-shirt that is at least one size larger then the one you are currently wearing?? Ok cool, you've been working out on your pecs, I don't need to see your nipples tearing against the very fibres of that poor XXXXXS sized tshirt.

Oh oh, and the blonde surfer boys! It's lovely that you have invested in Calvin Klein or Bonds underwear, it really is, but is it necessary for your jeans to droop so low that anytime that you even slightly bend over, your undies seem to find themselves right up in my face!

Don't get me started on tshirts with pictures of bloody half naked chicks on them. Ok cool dude, you're a stud, but there is no need to wear that public declaration to a 9am history class!

I think what fascinates me the most is how do these people find the time in the morning to do all of this shit?!?! I literally wake up, change my pjs (this is an optional step) and run to the train station before I'm late for a tutorial for the third week in a row!

And it is here that I leave you with this lovely song from Marina and the Diamonds! (Oh so very fitting for you bunch of sleazy whore bags!)

Au Revoir my chickadees!!

Overly-sensitive people and their name issues -.-

Howdy y'all!!! (Have I convinced you that I'm from Texas yet!?!)

First and foremost, I would just like to say that today I watched the second episode of Grimm season two, and OH MY GOD I orgasmed and died! If you guys aren't copping any of that shit, you better get cracking 'cause I think it is fair to say that is easily one of my favourite shows on at the moment (and David Giuntoli isn't that hard on the eyes either (; (; )

Alright, now onto more pressing issues regarding people and their personal issues. As you guys know I have only recently started my second semester of uni, and our tutors are still making us students introduce ourselves at the beginning of each tutorial as if we were a bunch of Kindergarten kids. "Hi, my name is Josh, and these holidays I went on a trip to my kitchen." Well, I had to say that I travelled somewhere! One chick went on a two week shopping spree in New York, and some guy went to Switzerland to visit family... SWITZERLAND!!!! What the fudge!! I hate them all! And some girl was like "I didn't do much, I just spent a week in LA." ... oh god, really? That's so unfortunate!! Let me get you a fucking kleenex!!

Anywhoodles doodles, so when the tutor calls out our names, he asks us if we have a preferred name by which to go by.

"Hi, my name is Daniel, but you can just call me Dan."

"Hi, my name is Alexandra, but I prefer Alex!"

"Hi, my name is Xing Tong Gan Lu, but please call me Kate."

Anyway, when it comes to myself, the tutors always seem to ask "Do you prefer Joshua or Josh" to which I always respond "Oh I really don't mind! Whatever is cool!" At which point everyone seems to turn around and give me an epic dirty and the tutor reluctantly and confusedly says "... Okay then..."

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND THEIR NAMES?!?! Why is it such a sensitive topic of discussion for the majority of people I seem to meet at uni?!?! I honestly couldn't care less what people call me. I have friends who prefer to call me by other names 'cause I remind them of a friend or a tv actor. My mother calls me Jahesh (the Arabic word for donkey) for christ sake! But as of recent, I have come to realise that people's sense of dignity and self-being anchors itself quite heavily in what people call them.

Now this is something that I cannot relate to, and I believe that I have come to offend quite a few people with my politically-incorrect name-calling ways. I have a friend called Ada (pronounced Aye-dah) but I unconsciously pronounce it "Add-ah" or, in one particular case, "Udder". I have met a Kady (like the Mean Girls Kady!) and I pronounce it like it is spelt, as opposed to how its suppose to be pronounced, "Katy". Cause, you see, with my friends, I call 'em whatever the hell I want to call 'em! "Natasha" translates to "Tashy" or "Slut-faced hoe bag" (not that far from the original pronunciation) and "Chloe" becomes "Chlo" or "Cow".

I think some people just take themselves way too seriously to be honest. And don't get me wrong, if I've only just met you, I won't substitute your name for a swear word indefinitely, but don't lose the plot if I create a nick name for you!

I mean, I've already planned out the names of my children! They're gonna be Daenerys, Beatrice, Heidi, Cricket and Todd (aren't they just the hottest names?!?!) and I'm already expecting myself to call them a shitload of other nick-names!

It's even more scary when people get aggressive about certain nicknames you call them. "Josh, if you call me Mandy Pandy one more time, I'm gonna rip your balls off!" ... Wooooe, chill out sister from another mister! Don't get your knickers in knots if I'm trying to create a connection here!

Okay, you guys probably think I'm taking it a bit to far, and yes, I admit I am, but still, some people need to chill out! It's cool when people call you other names, I love it, I think its a sign that we're bonding! Unless you don't want to bond with me cause you don't want to be friends... BE MY FRIEND GODDAMMIT!!!!

Okay, thats enough from me! Talk to y'all soon!

Explaining Idaho!

Howdy you guys!

Okay, so, I've only had my blog now for, what, two days. And, already, I've had almost everybody who has stumbled across my blog asking WHY DID YOU CALL YOUR BLOG DRIVING TO IDAHO?! WHAT IS IDAHO?! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOT YOUR LICENCE YET! and so on and so forth. I guess that is my fault, its a pretty abstract title and I owe y'all an explanation :) (so please don't kill me!)

If you guys were dedicated enough to google my title at all, the first thing that would have come up in the google search would have been the youtube video for 'Idaho' by British/ American artist Nerina Pallot. And this song has been something that has meant quite a lot to me over the last few years of my life. It's all about letting go and finding freedom, and sort of captures all that emotion when you suddenly realise that you just don't want to be anyone but yourself, you don't want to pretend to be someone else anymore.

Yes, yes I know, I'm going all teenage angst on you, but please, you love it! And one of the lines in the song is "My hands are on the wheel so I'm driving to Idaho" and Idaho is symbolic of freedom and liberation (totes letting my inner HSC English student out!). And that's really what my blog is about: freedom of expression and being a little teenage girl chucking spaz attacks over the internet. Oh so very FITTING :D There's a bit of incorporated irony in the song as well because Idaho is a state in the US which is extremely Republican, and Republicans aren't necessarily the most liberal kind of people out there. But the natural beauty of the state really counteracts all this negativity.

It's actually a funny story how I stumbled across this song. A few years back I had this extreme obsession with America (I still do, hence why I'm doing American studies at uni) but anyway, I started memorising like all the states of America (cause I obviously lead a very busy life with so many important things to do -.-) and I'd like wikipedia them and try and learn as many facts as I can about each one. Anywhoodles, by the time I started googling the state of Idaho, this particular song would constantly pop up in my google search, and I'm just thinking "Who the fuck is this bitch, constantly staring at me from this youtube video window?" I finally gave into pressure and listened to it... and I instantly fell in love!! I mean, that's how VEVO works, right? They keep putting up these songs by no-name artists who payed them tons of money in the side list of videos whilst your watching your videos and they keep bugging you till you eventually click on them them! Bloody marketing, why do you work so well?!?!

So, yes, that's why my blog is called what its called :) I don't care if you think it's cheesy, my mum thinks its pretty neat (I'm so gangster). And also, it has a nice ring to it! If you say it to yourself over and over enough times, it eventually sinks in :D

IN OTHER NEWS I hate how the only day of uni I have off is the day I have work -.- I'm at uni this semester four days a week (so unheard of for an arts student) but it doesn't matter cause I have a 9 hour shift at work on my friday off!! Just epic! And I always say to myself "Josh, you've got to do some form of study before you start work" but pfft, as if that will ever happen. It's sort of like when you set your alarm to 6 am in hope that you wake up early to do some exercise before you start your day, but in reality you just turn off the alarm when it goes off and go back to sleep, only to wake up at 11. Bloody oath.

Anywhoodles, thanks for reading you guys! I feel like I don't even know how to end off blogs! Do I do it like I would end of letters, like 

Yours sincerely

(insert signature)

Hot Josh

or do I like just say Bye. 

or do I just leave it hanging all awkwardly? 

Or should be all XOXO Gossip Girl <3

I don't even know. Let's just leave it at toodle doo! 

Hello to the World of Blogging!

Hello to the world of Blogging! 

Oh hi there! Didn't see you there! ;) Well, I have finally made a blog! You guys are most probably thinking, why should we care if you made a blog or not?! And, well, you shouldn't. But, I just think that you should know that I have been thinking of blogging for, what, 6 months now? Ever since I have commenced uni, my friends have been constantly nagging me to get a blog started!

Yes, yes I am a uni student, and I am studying Media and Communications :) At the University of Sydney, might I just add *brushes shoulder* Yes, I am one of those kids ;) I am 18 years old, and I live in Sydney.

I think the reason my slightly over-bearing friends wanted me to do this is because of my big mouth that seems to like making clear every single opinion that might happen to cross my mind. I have also gotten into the habit of posting particularly long and (sometimes teeth clenching) status' on good old Facebook, and I think you guys might be particularly more interested in my rants whilst your on here as opposed to on Facebook where your eagerly at the task of stalking your friends and hot people you were introduced to on that particular day by another friend (or is that just me... ULTRA STALKER!!). SO YES, basically, I want to vent to you guys :D

I'm also of Lebanese decent, for those of you who are not aware of the existence of a country named Lebanon, just think "Wogs on crack" and you're good to go! And living in quite an 'ethnic' house (don't you dare judge how I am so not politically correct!) is quite the task! So I'll be ranting to y'all about that.

I am also, like, the biggest tv show junky around. That shit's like crack to me! At the moment, I am obsessing over Game of Thrones. And please, shush, I know that it's been out for two years now and I'm so delayed and bla bla bla, but listen, I watched two whole season in like a week just recently, and I am obsessed! I'm also currently watching Grimm (like o to the m to the g, first episode of the second season came out yesterday and I like almost died! so amazing!) as well as Pretty Little Liars, and I am currently awaiting the return of The Vampire Diaries (I have come to believe it illegal to live in Mystic Falls and not be hot. How is everyone so hot?!?! Discriminative casting executive... WHICH I LOVE!!!). So, as I said, TV junky.

Well, tis a little about me. Spank you for reading! All I can say is, get ready for a whole lot of crap coming right your way!