Well, that escalated quickly!

Howdy chickadees!

Now I don't know about you guys, but this recent storm of Islamic protests that have been taking place around the world in response to a particular stupid clip/ film on youtube:

(incase you've been living under a rock)

has really taken me by surprise to the extent when photos like this:

have made me go like this:

Insert inappropriate yet hilarious meme!!!

Okay, but in all seriousness, this phenomena has confused me on so many levels. Now, before anything, I need to make it clear that I do not agree with the provocative nature of the video. I have my own issues with the patriarchal foundations of Islam, as I do with almost every other religion (and I will write y'all a blog on my general views on organised religion on the whole) however, due to the video being extremely derogatory, as far as I am concerned, it holds no credit. However, the reactions of Muslims around the globe has just been disgusting. What has to be understood at this point is that these protestors portray only a certain fraction of followers of the Islamic faith and by no means should they represent Muslims as a whole, HOWEVER, the number of Muslims that have participated in these riotous protests in the multiple countries around the globe, to me, displays many loose bolts and cracks present within Islamic culture. 

I think what needs to be understood, at the end of the day, is that everybody deserves the right to free speech, and that is all that this video is. It is a form of free speech. It in no way directly impacts the lives of Muslims. It simply does not. If you want to protest about it, go ahead, that's your right to free speech, but to harm people, and to attack police officers, and to hold up unbelievably threatening poster boards in the name of your religion is simply not on. Do you know how much material is out there that directly attacks Christians and Homosexuals and Atheists and so on and so forth? I mean, if one crazy lunatic or a small group of radical Muslims reacted negatively to this video, we could classify them as just that, one crazy lunatic or a small group of radical Muslims. BUT to have such a vast number of people rallying under the same religious banner and protesting like Communist crazies on crack really presents itself as an issue. 

But I think something needs to be made clear to EVERYBODY, regardless of whichever belief system (or lack of it for that matter) they live their life by: 

YOUR BELIEF IS SIMPLY AN OPINION, AND JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER OPINION, IT SHOULD AND MUST BE OPEN TO DEBATE, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! I REPEAT, YOUR BELIEF IS AN OPINION... AND NOT SOLID CONCRETE FACT!!

The reason this is such a touchy topic for me is because I have been raised in an extremely strict and religious household, and hence the importance of having a society in which all beliefs are able to be scrutinised and dissected is absolutely necessary for me due to the lack of such an environment when I was growing up. That is what makes the world go round. Islam, in particular the religious population in Middle Eastern and African countries, do not seem to have warmed up to this idea very well. They need to understand that not everybody believes in Islam, and there are plenty of people who actively disagree with Islam and will voice their opinions about it, and they have to live with that. If death is your solution to dealing with a person who doesn't believe what you believe, then you deserve to be thrown in jail for the entirety of your life. Killing people because they don't agree with you is simply barbaric and grotesque, what is wrong with you??? And, unfortunately, this has been the underlying message of almost all the protests that have taken place in the past week in regards to this video, even though the majority of them might have started out as a peaceful protest. 

The reason why I am harping on but the faults of the Muslims as opposed to the wrong-doings of the people who made the video that started everything is because the video really does no harm to Muslims at all! Ok, the video was rude and derogatory, just flag that shit and move the fuck on! Take it with a grain of salt! Use it as food for thought! Think about it, how will it affect an individual Muslim's walk with their God? It won't! These testosterone-raging muslim men seem to just want any reason to pick a fight! Watch the video, shrug it off, and move on with your life! Make a complaint to youtube to take it down, protest a little during your lunch break at work, and move on with your lives like normal people!!!!!!! 

I've tried my best not to make this into a religious discussion, but I needed traces of religious debate in order to get my point across. As I always say, feel free to disagree! (I just won't like you very much) :) 

Lana-mania!!!

LANA DEL REY!!!!! omg, must I say more? Those bee-stung lips, brunette locks and understated curves have got me mesmerised! She looks like an actress from a 1960's American film, but on the same token, a product of our generation, proudly parading chucks and jeans whenever attacked by paparazzi. I must admit, I am extremely late to the Del Rey band wagon, only discovering this beauty queen about a week ago, but her artistic process has absolutely hit me like storm, a cyclone of patriarchy and thought-provoking work. Oh god, I have never thought of myself as a fan girl, but jesus christ, lana's got me tingly in my downstairs in more ways then one!!!! 

"Okay Josh, we get it, you're crushing on a singer. That's new! Let's forget about Gaga, Katy Perry, Lily Allen, artists that you've also had major crushes on! Lana is just another queen in that deck of cards!" HOWEVER, I feel like Lana is so different from any other artist that I've grown quite immense crushes for in the procession of my life! Okay okay, I shall explain myself to you, and I think the best way to go about doing this is via the use of subheadings :D (omg, I'm getting organised, I know, I scared myself too) And yes, Lana is totes paying me to do all of this ;) 

Josh discovers Lana (screw Romeo and Juliet, this is the real shit!)

As I said earlier, I'm relatively new to the world of Lana, but I've sort of known about her existence for a while. Towards the end of last year, Lana's breakthrough single 'Born To Die' was very strongly and aggressively marketed to the public, especially on Youtube. Now as you guys know, youtube is my crack. Other boys go out to Bankstown station and smoke weed, I stay home and watch youtube (as I always say, I'm a gangster). So, this wave of commercialisation hit me real hard in December of last year, but I remained relatively immune to it. The title of the song really turned me off (I don't do depressing shit, I just don't, I live in a world of fairy floss and teletubbies) and I just wasn't interested in what seemed to be another American chick trying to make it big in the industry. But it all changed last week at Woolworths BAAAAAAASS HILL where I heard Video Games being played as I was shopping for mentos and coca-cola (long story, don't ask). I instantly fell in love with the song, memorised a line of the lyrics and ran home and googled it, and low and behold, this bitch that I've been trying to avoid pops up in the search results. I was just like "Bitch, really?" But I bit my pride and listened to her music, and in the time span of about 4 songs, I knew that I was destined to have Lana's children. We were just meant to be. She's hot, I'm hot.  Done and done. Better then committing suicide, I'd say (thanks for nothing Romeo and Juliet!) 

da controversy bro! 

There is ALOT of controversy surrounding this chickadee, stretching from deep topics such as her family history and relationships, to shallow Josh-esque points of discussion like "Are those lips real slut!?! I know you got collagen happening up in there guurrl!" And this just makes me love her even more! A lot of people really question her rise to fame and say that the only reason she has been so successful is because her daddy is loaded and payed his daughter's way to success. Many folk say that her current image is completely fake and has been engineered completely by the music industry to make her albums sell. Some say that she's illuminati, and faaaaar do I have a bone to pick with these illumati nuts! But, as I said, this just makes me adore her that much more! I love people with a coloured past, I can't stand square white bread people, I just can't. "Well I went to law school and am now a successful paralegal with 2 children and am married and live in a house with a white-picketed fence and earn tons of money." No. Go fuck yourself (but not in a pleasurable way!) Also, her performance on Saturday Night Live absolutely blew the girl out of the water! For those of you who don't know about this incident, Lana basically performed on this tv show in America and didn't perform as well as people were expecting her to. The thing with Lana is that she has a very very deep singing voice and hence her performance can be affected quite severely under the wrong set of circumstances. I just think she was nervous, but people tore her apart for it. But, if anything, all of that hype around that single performance created so so SO much press for her, and you know they saying: all publicity is good publicity ;) 

Her deep deep (and I mean fucking deep) videos

Holy Jesus mother of pearl! This chick makes amazing videos! I use to think Gaga's videos were deep, but Lana without a doubt takes the cake, and this is saying something cause Gaga and I go waaay back! Her style is flawless and so simple, and the interesting thing is, she never 'sluts it up' (this is a Josh term, get with it) in any of her videos, which is so unusual for an american female singer to do! Born to Die, Blue Jeans and Summertime Sadness have amazing videos to their name, but one that I want to focus on today is the video this chick made for National Anthem. 

(if you don't watch this, a family of baby kittens will be run over by a speeding lebo hard-cunt-bro in Punchbowl!) 

God, this video speaks for itself. Lana draws a parallel in this video with the story of John. F Kennedy. She is Marilyn Monroe in this fantasy, but get this, this modern spin on this American tragedy has a young african-american rapper as the president!!!! The two are shown to be a married couple, have two children, but also lead a very very interesting double life together! How so? The scene where she is having breakfast on the family table WHILST smoking is flawless! The scene cuts towards the beginning of the video between scenes of Lana and her black president husband celebrating their young girl's birthday and dirty dancing at a party with drugs and alcohol also resonated with me on a deep level. Patriarchy and American pride is a key theme in all of Lana's work, but what I love about Lana is that she shows the good and the bad in American culture. I mean, just watch it for yourself, she even has shootings towards the end of the video, like when John F. Kennedy got shot, I mean, it's gold! And her singing Marilyn's "Happy birthday mr president", I mean, gosh. Lana is actually the modern day Aphrodite! 

Lana is the new Marissa Cooper

If you don't know who Marissa Cooper is, may I enquire as to what rock you live under?? Anyway, Marissa was the lead girl character in the 2004 hit tv show The O.C., and Marissa is quite well renowned for always wearing flats. YES, JUST FLATS! and this is lana! Lana is constantly in chucks, ballet pumps and thongs (flip-flops in you're American, don't get it twisted there!!) She barely even does live performances and gigs in heels, she rocks those flats proud! And I LOVE THIS!!!! 

Now, I know exactly what you're thinking. "... Josh, they're just shoes. Get over yourself." BUT DON'T YOU SEE?!?! Shoes are a window into a person's soul! Lana's love for flats and casual dress makes her so easy to relate to. It shows that she's a real person, and not some slut who feels the need to parade herself in heels. Even out clubbing and partying, Lana has been caught wearing nice and fashionable flats as opposed to obnoxious 6-inch wedges. She is the new Marissa! So gorgeous and so amazing that she doesn't even need platformed footwear to make her feel superior. (oh my brain...) 

So, there you have it folks!!! That is why Lana and I are gonna get married! Ahhhh she's such a machine!!! Even her tone of voice in interviews and on the red carpet is just flawless! Ergh I love her! 

Wedding invitations are to be released shortly, and if you don't get one, it's probably because Lana and I don't like you very much, so ha! (not because of the slight chance that I might be making all this up and Lana actually doesn't know of my existence... no, don't be silly!!! ... I'm so forever alone...) 

K love ya chickadees! 

lana is SEXXXXXXX!!